Letter #8 - Q1 2023

A tight grip is a fool's game.

Good morning and happy fools day,

And just like that, the first quarter of 2023 is no more. If it wasn’t for me scrambling at 9:39 pm on the last Friday of March, having a staring contest with my glowing screen and scrambling on some keys to write something, (anything!); I wouldn’t believe it either.

Don’t worry…substack was sure to let me know too

In today’s letter:

• Q1 Reflection

• “Sticky Gears”

• How, Who, and Why pyramid

• ANNOUNCEMENT

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loose ends, revisited

Alrighty-rooski.

What the heck happened in the past 3 months?

Well at the beginning of January, I sat down with some friends and realigned on my goals and what I wanted to get out of the next 3 months.

Featuring a review w/ Brennan and a projection with Nader and Brody

Long story short: I planned to wrap up many loose ends and remove the weight of “shoulds” in my life. If I didn’t finish them, I would let go and forget them.

Well, that was the plan, but we all know what happens to plans…

I didn’t wrap up the LEs I was hoping to. The primary thorn here is finishing episode 3 of the DiHD? doc. Which, unfortunately, (no surprise here) got pushed to the back of the burner…again.
However, this is only ONE example of the many things I didn’t wrap up, and I cannot seem to let go of…well, any of them.

why?

I feel like incompletion will have a negative and indelible effect on my word/reputation. I can’t let go because they feel too important to let go of.

Again, I ask WHY? and what the heck happened?! If they are that important, why didn’t you prioritize them!?

Short answer, life, and other priorities:

• Funga
  Amongst officially closing our seed round, a successful media launch (which included a TED talk from our founder), our first in-person BoD meeting, hiring another FTE, and scaling-up our nursery ops in ATX - we were also able to complete our first-ever planting season!

  

  

  Over 4k miles on the road, 125+ acres planted, and >75k inoculated loblolly pine seedlings in the ground!

• DiHD?

  Dominic came down from NY and we recorded 5 songs for our Sophmore album.

  Rish and I shot a cover for our latest single.

• Life

  I tried to get back into consistent lifting/pushups, climbing, and soccer whilst maintaining healthy relationships.

Tbh - I have found myself stuck in quite the impasse. I am still struggling to truly enjoy all the “stuff” while having any loose ends looming above my head.

Although I feel like I cannot be fully immersed in the new stuff until I wrap up the old stuff, I don’t think I have any regrets. Everything that has taken my time and attention this past quarter have felt worthy of my time and attention.
I think I made the most of my circumstances and tried my best with the effort I gave.

Albeit a Fool’s Errand to not let go, today is the day of the fool, and I am continuing to figure out this balance heading into Q2.

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STICKY GEARS - part 1

As a recreational mechanic, I usually tinker in the garage when my motorcycle is not functioning properly. Said tinkering typically looks like hours of YouTube videos and forum searching, me making the issue(s) worse, and eventually solving it by asking my more knowledgeable (and mechanical engineer) roommate for help.
A “learn as a needed” approach that results in learning nonetheless! :D

In this season of life, I have found myself using a similar approach.

The issue?
I have been feeling that every time I slow-down, or try to rest, I feel like shit…

In the upcoming newsletters, I plan to explore this via an analogy of a stick shift vehicle.

setting the scene, providing context

I am aware that approaching this problem by comparing my complex human emotions to a simple machine, will inherently have its flaws. My hope is that through this reframe I will be able to take a more familiar lens and create a new mental model to help navigate these feelings.

To better delineate, here are some word clouds:

Lower Gears (1-3) - gritty, effort, deep, force, torquey, focus, inertia, acceleration

Higher Gears (4-6) - fast, efficient, consistent, multi-tasking/distractions, cruising

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Looking back, I’ve recognized I tend to be a fast, high-gear cruiser - I push really hard in the first couple of gears, accelerate/get off the ground quickly, and then maintain a steady velocity.

At this steady velocity - I am able to focus on other things, the road, the scenery, thoughts, the music playing on the radio, the conversation with the passenger, etc. 

Non-metaphorically, this looks like me putting a ton of effort into a habit or goal I want to build/achieve; and once I’ve gained enough momentum, I shift it into a higher gear…and move my focus to the next thing. 

For example, in Austin, I discovered climbing. I really enjoyed it. Got pretty good, pretty fast…and now I can just “coast on my spoils,” so to speak.

I can confidently climb 3-5 days a week with folks who I love to climb with, give me community, and keep me accountable - my sources of community and exercise are now on cruise control. I’ve shifted them into a higher gear.

I’d argue I did similar things within all aspects of my 4 Life Quadrants.

I’ve written about these before, but to give another high-level example via the “Career” quadrant: After graduating, I was in a low-gear grind, moving, and twisting through tight turns in search of a new career path. In this time, I had a slower overall speed, but many frequent bursts of high acceleration. In the real world, this looked like countless job applications, interviews, and networking.
Once I finally found the direction/road I liked - I began to shift it into higher gears, became more efficient, etc - I was able to give it more gas and began cruising at that high speed. Onto the next thing.

Now that we have somewhat of a foundation for this analogy, what’s the context in the problem previously stated?

I think after cruising at such high speeds, I am beginning to encounter areas in life where I think I need to slow down…and I am having trouble using the brake.
For a myriad of reasons I’ll get into in part 2, I am reluctant to use a break (nice) - however, the gears have gotten sticky, and downshifting without braking is causing my RPMs to skyrocket.
RPMs are the metaphorical equivalent of my mental bandwidth - and I am weary of the engine overheating.

Many moving parts. More to come.

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how, who, why - a pyramid

My roommate recently went back home to attend his grandfather’s funeral and shared with me some moments from the service. It really impacted me and shed some more light on what it means to live a well-lived life.

“At the end of the day, I don’t care what I am doing, as long as it is with people I care about.” -C.H.

Though the world may place more value on the HOW (ie. science/engineering/reason - how things work and how we humans got here) over the WHY (ie. art/creativity/philosophy - why we are here), maybe it doesn’t even really matter which you prefer or WHAT you do…it’s the WHO you are with, that ultimately that lasts.

food for thought.

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The Saturday Study

Imagine, sitting/standing next to me at my favorite coffee shop whilst I click-clack on my computer for hours, staring at text on a screen or at the brick wall in front of me - sounds like fun right?! :D

TL;DR - I am separating the value section that is normally at the end of this newsletter and letting it branch off and grow into its own thing.

This newsletter, LFA, will continue to be more of a long-form, monthly reflection letter - but I’ve had the desire to create something more lightweight. More of a “sharing is caring” vibe that will hopefully still be curiosity-inducing, and thought-provoking: just more succinct and easy to digest.

Be on the lookout!

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As always, if you have made it this far thank you. 

If you have any questions, comments, or ways I can improve this newsletter, please reply to this email or tweet at me!

ML,
Anthony